Well, it’s been a long time since our last discussion to this group, but Stephen’s been living at his money manager’s house (read girlfriend), and came back in January because she said he was driving her crazy.  So now he’s back to drive Tegwedd and Len crazy.  Len much more than Tegwedd, because she can ignore Stephen, and Len doesn’t seem to be able to.  The putties have been doing their putty things, and that is what this discussion is about.  Pyewacket, our calico, has made Putty Bear, who is almost twice her size, her bitch.  She licks him, bites his neck, and mounts him as though she were a tomcat.  It’s too funny.  Remember the putty mantra:  lick lick lick, bite bite bite, scratch scratch scratch, buzz buzz buzz, hump hump hump, chew chew chew, fart fart fart.

 Pyewacket has a game she plays when she gets called to come in at the end of the day.   She’ll lurk by the door, but when one of us opens the door to let her in, she’ll run away until Tegwedd calls her with her special call, “Pye Pye Pyewacket, Pye Pye Pyewacket, chocolate covered Pyewacket, yum yum yum!” which Charles Hixon came up with decades ago.  Not only that, but she’s taught the other putties to do this too.  Putty Bear really excels at it.  They teach each other these tricks to create chaos in our lives.  Dr. Livingston will cozy up to you, be very sweet and loving, but she’s just preparing to fart.  She likes to spend the night with her Uncle Lenny, get nice and warm so that she’s ready to let one.  If you don’t feed them when they’re ready to eat, they’ll go on an affection strike.  They’ll jump right out of your lap, and scratch your hands if you don’t fork over the wet food pdq. 

We lost Inky a few days before Samhain.  We believe that he was murdered because he was black.  We think it was superstitious Jesoid brats who kill black cats around Halloween for the same reason that they killed black cats during the Burning Times; they think they’re demons or imps.  Those who killed him covered his body tried to cover up their crime by covering him up with fallen leaves.  This was no accident.  Dr. Livingston I. Presume has taken over Len’s computer chair.  She says a couple things in human speech:  yeah and me out.  Tegwedd asked her if she wanted to go outside and she said “Yeah!” clear as day. 

She is still a shoulder putty.  Charcoal has also become a shoulder putty.  Stephen was just being sadistic, and running numbers on Pyewacket’s head when we asked her if she were a shoulder putty.  The truth is that she never has been a shoulder putty.  For those of you who are just now tuning in, a shoulder putty is a putty who perches on your shoulder as you go about your daily business, occasionally adding puttyish comments.

A few months ago, we had the cuteness battle, and Putty Bear came in second after Pyewacket.  It’s his face, you know, so cute and cuddly, like a bear, a teddy bear.  Of course Dr. Livingston is pretty cute too.  And so is Charcoal, in his own way.  Don’t you think it’s just precious the way that a putty will stop right in the middle of a room s/he is walking across and start grooming hirself?  Our house is basically set up for the comfort and convenience of the putties.  They know that they are royalty.  They have thrones.  Pyewacet likes to lie on the satellite box.  We call it “her throne.”  Putty Bear likes Tegwedd’s walker/rollater.  Trouble is Putty Bear also likes the satellite box, probably because it’s warm, and it’s been a cold winter.  Her other perch is Tegwedd’s computer tower, which is probably also warm. Dr. Livingston’s perch is on the end table next to Tegwedd’s side of the sofa. 

When Len and Tegwedd go out on their weekly excursion to Tegwedd’s group at Kaiser, when they yawn, they say which putty gave them the yawn.  They are supper putties because they can give us yawns across town.  We’ll start with Pyewacket, then Dr. Livingston, Putty Bear, and Charcoal.  Just like in “Rape loot pillage burn!” you’ve got to get the order right.  The putties configure themselves in some outlandish positions when they lie down to sleep.  If one such as Charcoal is lying in one of our laps, he will extend his paw in a Nazi salute, “Sieg heil!” and say “This is my human.”  They also get themselves into the Tao symbol (Yin-Yang) and the book ends pose. 

Every day after the morning feeding we let out so that they can go out and terrorize bugs and mice.  Right now Dr. Livingston is doubled around herself, and her tail is swatting the arm of the sofa.  Pyewacket and Putty Bear were having a lick Fest that erupted into putty combat.  They batted at each other for a few minutes then Pyewacket leapt away.  The bromance between Charcoal and Stephen continues.  Charcoal is very doglike and clingy; so clingy in fact, that Stephen often can’t get any work done.  And of course when a putty jumps into the window we sing,

“How much is that putty in the window

The one with the scraggly tail

How much is that putty in the window?

I do hope that putty’s for sale.”

Even though they are all hydrocarbon based life forms, they are silicates (silly cats).  Dr.Livingston will turn onto her back to expose her belly if you start scritching her.  She loves getting her belly scritched and this is a sign of extreme trust of us.  When Len first arrived last year, and saw all the putties in the house, he loved it, and still does.  His favorite, like Tegwedd’s, is Pyewacket, who is the cutest. 

But watch out when your putty lies down with crossed paws in front of hir.  Crossed paws are dangerous.  Stephen likes to have cross ventilation in the house on pleasant days, and was wondering if this were anything like a putty’s crossed paws.  We think that crossed paws is like a secret handshake, the Masonic handshake.  Putties may be a secret society, the FreeMasons, the Illuminati, or the Bilderbergers.  There’s the Putty Illuminati, or the Putty Co-Masons, where they plot world domination.  But as far we’re concerned, putties already rule the world.  They do have some allies among the dogs, such as Sassy, (Walt and Julie’s dog) who was raised with putties, and has many puttylike qualities.

Putties love to be sung to.  You don’t need to have a great voice or even be able to carry a tune, as putties are not critical listeners.  You who have been here from the beginning may know this, but you might not know that they also like to have poetry recited or read to them.  Dr. Livingston’s favorite poem is William Blake’s poem “Tyger tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night.”

The putties also have to check out anything new that comes into the house.  After all, it might be food or putty toys.  Also, anything we do has to be supervised by a putty.  Mere humans can’t get anything done right unless there is a putty supervising.  Do share your putty stories with us.   

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